Introspective.

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Coachella live stream two weekends ago that I watched on my iPhone. I fell asleep listening to “Beirut”, “The Shins” and the crowd.

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Friends, I feel like I’ve been another world lately. In reality, I’ve just been inside my head a lot. Much more than usual, actually. I have so many things going on inside my mind and yet cannot seem to grasp words to put on a page in the blog. Sometimes when I’m “in it” I just need to dwell there for a while. I sort of love being here, actually but it’s time to share some thoughts with you all.

I feel like this is going to be a huge, defining year for me. I’m finally in a place where I’m ready to focus on things that make me truly happy and to honor God in that way. To honor the passions and talents He has given me by not letting fear, doubt and insecurity conquer them or prevent me from trying.

Honestly? Sometimes I feel silly sharing my dream, I feel like people are going to judge me or expect too much from me too soon and that’s hard to face. It’s hard to stand up and say “Hey world, I have this super ambitious dream that some people may laugh at, but here it is!” I think I over-think too much, but that’s another topic for another day.

If you are new to the blog my big dream, that I’ve had for quite some time but only recently really decided to seriously pursue it, is music. To become a professional singer/songwriter. Through the years I’ve tried to run from that dream because it’s hard, because it’s scary, because I have crazy stage fright, because I don’t give myself enough credit or believe in myself enough.

In terms of songwriting, I put the pen away years ago. I used to get so restless at night that sleep would elude me until I got a song on my heart written on paper where it was out of my head and into my world. It got me through heartache, helped me celebrate those times of pure and utter joy, it was my form of therapy. I stopped writing poetry/songs because of that fear. I’ve now begun writing again, slowly but surely.

Truthfully, I get overwhelmed often and haven’t slept as much as I should, but it’s only because I can’t stop living in my dreams. I’m watching (and soaking in) tons of music documentaries, watching YouTube interviews of my favorite artists, reading about the songwriting process, practicing guitar, practicing piano, writing down key words or phrases that inspire me and have the potential to become a song, recording melodies into my voice recorder on my phone in hopes that I can hold onto it. I’m just taking it all in while, at the same time, putting more focus on my freelancing business to help grow that as well. It’s a lot. A beautiful, wonderful lot. But a lot. Sometimes it takes words away from me that I normally save to share here, with you and that’s okay. It’s where I am right now and I hope to take you all with me during this time of introspection.

Do you ever do that? Get lost in your own thoughts? Do you have a big dream as well? I’d love to hear all about it.





Good reads for the moment:

Chasing Big Dreams: My sweet friend Caroline is pursuing her dreams as well and I must give credit to her and Kate for helping spur me on toward my musical dreams. We all need friends like that.

The Tiny Twig’s Passion Proposition Series: Another fantastic encourager in my life, Hayley wrote this amazing series on passion and it has helped motivate me on this path I’m on right now. I think God’s trying to tell me something and I’m trying my best to listen. Hope this series blesses you like it has with me!

9 comments to Introspective.

  • Awww amazing news sweet girl :) I never knew that you and I had so much in common. I have a huge passion for music as well. I pursued a dream of being a singer/songwritter full time for many years when I was fresh out of high school. For awhile I put things on the back burner..because of fear, uncertainty and that thing called adulthood. So I completely understand the fear part of it..I used to have the worst stage fright ever..it’s not fun when you feel like your fear is so extreme that it takes away your ability.
    I think it’s wonderful that your taking a leap of faith and overcoming your fears! Will you be doing any youtube videos?
    That’s about as far as I’ve gotten with anything in my own pursuit. You can check out my youtube channel here: http://www.youtube.com/user/Futuremusicdream/videos
    If you have a channel or decide to make one please let me know and I’ll be sure to subscribe. Wishing you the best of luck in all your new adventures!
    Xoxo
    Kristin recently posted..Taking Care of Business

  • Will you post videos of you singing?? I would loveee to hear youu!
    Sana recently posted..What To Expect In Physical Therapy

    • The answer is YES! Working on some songs right now, but we realized we need to invest in a good recording mic for my computer, my computer mic isn’t really cutting it. My goal is to get a few videos up this summer, though the thought makes me so nervous, I would love to get input. :)

  • Katy – you should check out the website/blog wwww.heyamberrae.com. She has a lot of good content about taking that leap of faith and pursuing your passion. I think you’d really like it! She’ll send out a newsletter/blog post at least once a week. That said, I will totally buy your CD when you make it big one day!

  • Celeste

    It takes so much courage to begin to pursue a passion, and even more to make it publicly known. I think putting it out there for all to see is definitely the first step, and maybe the hardest. I definitely know what you mean about getting lost in your own thoughts….I do this frequently. I think it’s important to take that time to dig a little deeper into yourself to see what you truly need and want. I’m excited to follow your journey and see what happens!

    • Thank you SO much, Celeste! I appreciate the support and encouragement. I am definitely happy to take that time to be in my head a bit. I’m finding myself more full of joy lately, just simply because I’ve been realizing more of what I want out of life. I think once we figure that out, it makes a lot of things very clear. Now it’s time to set goals for myself and how to achieve my dreams. :)

  • that is amazing! doing what God has called you to do is SO important. I, too, LOVE singing – but I realized that it wasn’t something I wanted to do professionally, so I stopped for a while. I missed singing so much – last year I auditioned and joined my church’s worship band and have been singing and leading worship for the past year and it’s exactly what I needed! you got this, girl!!
    molly recently posted..My Attempt at Fashion: Jewelmint!

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